When an ex gets in touch after a year apart (and some very lengthy arguments before that) and you were literally giving up on the world and losing hope for everything, and thier message is “hope you’re okay” What are you meant to think from that, did she sense something was up? there always was this connection between the two of us, and she knew how much I loved her this entire year and that I wanted her back, and I even messaged her on the aniversary of the day we met many months before so its not like there was any real prompt, unless maybe its associated with her illness as she has been in a lot of pain, maybe at the end of the day I was the one she wanted to make her feel better through it all, who knows. I do feel selfish being so needy of her affection and to know she cares, try to avoid just telling her how bad I got hurting over losing her, dont want to upset her. Anyway its valentines soon and I’ll soon know if she wants to be with me as I’ve been very unsubtle in letting her know it’ll break my heart not to spend it with her, feel selfish for that too at times, just want her to be happy but also want to be with her and be there for her when she needs me.

Resisting telling her how I can’t handle life without her because it hurts too much.