With a lack of internet connection and just this library to be able to type in video’s are a thing of the past at present, and maybe for the forseable future as I dont know when Im going to be able to sort things out, people say constantly things will get better just life doesnt always work out that way.
Its hard to find motivation for things these days I mean look at what has happened, Im now homeless with very little access to the internet to even talk to people I considered friends (as its amazing how some people will abandon you when you’ve got difficulty in getting in touch or complicated situations in life) IVe lost the one person in this universe who actually made me feel I belonged here as Id always felt an outcast my entire life until I met steph and I really felt I belonged for the first time and that ID actually found someone who made me feel human and normal. I still respect all the reasons she had and I still love her completely.
Also in this economy its impossible to find full time work in hospitality (the sector Im qualified and experienced in because some people see it as the doss hole for getting part time jobs in until they can find something better, whereas I have worked in this sector for years towards the higher end of the scale and studied this at university) On top of that finding housing is hard because there is immense pressure on the housing sector resulting in increased rents in the private sector and I am probably unlikely to find anywhere in the council or charity housing associations because the government screwwed me illegally out of my housing benefits even admitting they owed it me but still refused to pay it to the association on time until after I was evicted by them and made homeless.
Sometimes I just wonder what the point in all of this is, things arent getting better anytime soon, steph is still dying and doesnt want me in her life so we wont get too close even though I was already so in love with her I was ready to marry her, and lets be honest I dont really care about much other than that, just all the shit happening at once and never having had anything work out in life, tell me how this is any different to my own personal hell on earth?
Sorry for the lame title… just another general update of the crap thats constantly going on… seems fitting.