So its been a while since I posted, I wonder often if steph or other people are reading these who actually know me, of course being added on twitter by a potential employer is never that fun when you’re using it as an internal monologue of your thoughts and feelings and stress as it could come accross completely the wrong way, anyway been feeling really shit lately mostly due to being ignored because stephs decided that ignoring me is better than dealing with the situation where she wants me so she wont develop feelings and will be fine sleeping on the sofa of some idiot she feels nothing for and can work all the hours without an emotional attachment making her guilty she wont see me, its hard to remind her how she use to care and how great we got along if she wont even see me, though for months and months she’d say she wanted and seem happy too, just things and life getting in the way particularly her having no money and not being able to because of things like that. Maybe I shouldn’tve been so full on and just chatted and normal things til she was fully back in love with me but I just didn’t want her getting off with some other random who wouldn’t appreciate her uniqueness like I do and love her so entirely. Maybe she still wants me but it feels she doesnt at times though she has made it clear she wants to and just isn’t able to right now and even said she wont reply til she’s able to, but still I want her to know I still care and want her in my life and would be nice to chat though she’s rarely able to. I just want her to remember the nice times and randomness we shared and how much we have in common, instead she’s probably just going to remember all the crap of me being soppy and telling her how much I miss and want her rather than actual stuff that would make her heart smile and her remember why she wants me. Of course Im always the screwup, just wish things were easier and there was a decent opportunity to spend time with her or her able to stay online for some proper chats and her remember why she loved me.