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But I need to get my feelings out.  I just found out that the psycho is getting married, silly thing is we broke up partly because I felt she didnt love me and partly because of her psychosis and attacking me for no reason, how could she love me when she just came at me with knives and stuff for no reason, she claimed to, and she even proposed to me after I split up with her.. I still care about her which is stupid and havent been ready to even date until recently, and now that I decided I was ready to date, even though I cant really afford it, I find out she’s getting married, and not out of love because she’s in some religious cult where things like that arent believed in, but she is getting married because her religious leaders tell her she has to get married.  I cant help but feel a little heart broken.  Its silly that I still love her even how she treated me… but I need to get over her and move on.  I cant dwell on these things and let myself get really depressed and broken hearted over this.

The worst part is the women I seem to get on well with and feel I could fall for live so far away Im unable to date them as its so expensive.  How hard is it to find someone that I could love that lives nearby and can cope with not rushing into moving in together as Im just not ready to move in with someone so soon due to how things went with the psycho, and how she flipped and changed when we moved in together… She was good at hiding her condition while we dated.

It appears these days that being human is more about being secure and safe and not changing.  Every day the same old crap is repeated on tv, repeats of family guy for the 20thnth time that week, yet everyone seems to love it because they know exactly whats coming they know it word for word, I couldnt think of anything more boring, okay the first time while its fresh maybe it might get a bit of a snigger or a smile, but the umpteenth time its just brainwashing dullness and I dont want to see rehashed jokes repeated.  Most of the comedy on it is cheep digs anyway.  Also people like to all congregate in a public area where there are lots of other people around because it makes them feel safe.  It does appear human nature is just to feel safe and secure in everything and not be challenged.

Of course there are different people out there, listen to music styles, the norm is repetitive beats with repetitive singing with a repeated chorus, people like these as they know the chorus which is repeated and they know whats coming, but some other music styles like goth focus on being unrepetitive and having riffs which change and vary all the time.  Which makes you wonder if you truly could judge someone completely based on thier taste in music or tv etc.

I dont know but I think dating a psycho changed me, I find myself less tolerable of certain types of people.  After all most people are intollerable and see someone different and have to set out to destroy them to feel safe and secure with the same old clone repeat brainless individuals amongst them.